Here we are, 8 billion humans co-living on planet Earth. We all have more similarities than we think, and we seem to share the same problems — feeling alone despite the crowd, not belonging or understood, confused, and purposeless.
We can talk about joy, expansion, self-realization, living your purpose, and all the good stuff. But truly, all of these sound rather intangible for many who are suffering day after day. We just want the pain to go away.
Despite being one click away from ‘connection’, we are highly disconnected.
What is disconnecting us so easily?
On Connection
We talk so much about connection. Be connected. But connected to what?
Connection generates a link, an association, where we are no longer separate and alone. This link can be so strong that we become one with that which we are connected to — we merge.
There are different types of connections:
- Connection to ourselves: to our bodies, hearts, and soul
- Connection to our fellow humans: family, friends, colleagues, society
- Connection to nature, to the planet, to life itself, to Spirit, to the Divine
When we are disconnected, life becomes a struggle: it becomes us against the world.
At times, we feel separated and alone, even though we know on a mental level that we are not. This experience of separation and dissociation shows that establishing connection requires much more than a mental understanding.
Connection requires our hearts. Love is the greatest connector. For that, we need to allow ourselves to be in our hearts — we need to allow ourselves to be human.
Life is not a struggle. Our hustle is a side effect of our disconnection — beginning with our disconnection from our hearts.
If Only Connection Was One Click Away
When we use technology as a means to connect to our loved ones, it can greatly support our heart connection. But when we are not in our hearts and connect to the technology (and not to the people on the other end) we further disconnect from fellow humans and ourselves. That’s what happens when we are addicted to screens and scrolling. See the difference? Connect to someone through tech, or connect to technology (as an escape and distraction).
What are you connecting to?
Authentic connection is the antidote to struggle.
Connection dispels the illusion of being alone against the world. Connected, we get more clarity and life no longer weighs us down so much.
Explore more ways to enhance your connection in my free miniclass: Connect with the Divine Within.
Ok, But What Is Disconnecting Us?
Fear is the n1 agent of disconnection.
Fear of feeling and dealing with what is inside of us disconnects us from ourselves.
Fear of vulnerability disconnects us from relationships.
Fear of failing disconnects us from our purpose.
Fear of losing control disconnects us from life.
The list goes on.
Remember we said it takes more than your mind to connect? It takes your heart. Your heart moves on love: understanding, compassion, acceptance, presence, giving and receiving.
It’s a paradox: we crave love and connection more than anything — and we also fear it. After all, fear is excitement without the breath. We fear, because it matters so much: the stakes are high. But because we fear it, it becomes harder for us to access what we want.
When we live too much in our minds, it becomes hard for us to access our hearts — let alone open them to others.
Unfortunately, we are not living in our hearts: we are living in our minds, drowning in stress, worries, overthinking, and restlessness. Stuck in automatic behaviors, and distractive patterns. As a result, fear paves the way. We put security and convenience on a pedestal, and we disconnect, as we create a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Fear Is Sneaky
When we think of fear, we tend to think about the extreme of fear: feeling despair. And so we tell ourselves we are not acting on fear, for we don’t experience something that extreme daily.
But here is the thing: fear is sneaky. We are living much more in fear than we think.
Much of our automatic behavior of distraction and overthinking is an unconscious way of not dealing with our feelings and confusion — of fearing dealing with these things.
Many things we do that we might tell ourselves are loving, are deprived of love. Doing things because they are “the right thing to do so we must do them” is mental, and different from actually sharing love.
Love and fear are not only about the actions we take: it is about the truthful intentions behind everything we do. It is about where we do things from.
Picture this: two people are highly environmentally friendly. They both avoid plastics, have their tote shopping bags, are vegetarian, conserve energy, you name it. One of them does it out of worry and fear of the future: they want to avoid chaos, a scenario that brings them anxiety. The other one does it out of love for nature: because they love nature so much, they take their actions with utmost joy and care.
The same actions with different motives bring different life experiences.
Many of our rightful actions are done on top of motives based on fear. We focus on preventing things we don’t want, coping to avoid pain, and worrying about what others would say — instead of going after the longings of our hearts and souls. The actions themselves are normal and even correct, socially acceptable. But that doesn’t mean our heart is in the right place.
Not to mention all the things we are truly scared of such as being vulnerable, being weak, being fully dependent on others, and failing — all of which lead us to make fear-based choices, in an attempt to stay safe, and manage our fears — instead of overcoming them.
What you practice is what grows in your life. And, if you are acting on fear, you are growing fear and exacerbating disconnection.
With every single fear-based decision that we take, we take a step further from our hearts.
How to Reconnect?
Why are you doing what you are doing? The first step is to create awareness of your motives and notice what is truly driving you behind your actions.
Look fear in the face, how it sneaks in without your awareness. Dare to look deeper than usual: this is self-discovery, which is a great step towards self-connection!
The second step is to dare to ask yourself “what do I truly want and long for, from my heart?” and take aligned actions with that.
Living connected to your heart takes courage. It also brings great clarity and shows you who you are and truly want.
At the end of the day, is your dream life a fruit of the worries of your mind, or of the longings of your heart?
Final Reflections
Connection brings us immense fulfillment on its own. Without self-connection, we feel a great amount of confusion, which causes immense suffering and frustration.
Much of spirituality is about healing our suffering, which comes from a lack of connection and not recognizing illusions that blur reality.
Many of my clients come for me looking for their purpose and find out that once they feel connected, they get lighter and naturally know what the next steps they want to take — know need to keep reflecting on it.
And so, we begin at that: taking care of our suffering. And so, we connect a little bit more. We return to love. And so, we suffer a little bit less.
On and on.
Until we return to ourselves. Until we return to belonging right here, right now.
Explore more ways to enhance your connection in my free miniclass: Connect with the Divine Within.
A 20-minute online class bringing you 7 keys to connect more with the divine in you.
I am Aline Ra M, spiritual teacher, healer, and mentor. Thank you for sharing your time and energy with me.
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