I had been single for some years, and hadn’t had a date for almost as long. I was quite blue and low, feeling sad, lonely, and wondering what was wrong with me.
At the same time, I had at least enough emotional intelligence to not make big mistakes. I knew love was not about someone else. I knew it started with me, myself and I. But yes, it was also about my relationship with others; how I responded to life events and other people.
I started asking myself this unexpected question: Was I celebrating love in its purest form? Or was I being selfish, only wanting love for myself?
Me, Myself, and I?
When we want a partner, it is easy for us to look at happy couples and feel a pinch of jealousy. This is a side effect of fear — of our insecurities and scarcity mindset, as if someone else being happy meant we can’t possibly also be. As if there was not enough for everyone.
This comes from an old paradigm, of survival: we act on fear, and we think it is us against everyone, always comparing, as if everything was a competition.
Love ends where fear begins.
There is another way: a paradigm of love, based on giving and sharing, for that is what love does. There’s more than enough for everyone. Therefore, there’s nothing to be afraid of.
That’s where love truly begins.
Bless that Which You Want
From this understanding of love, I started blessing everyone I saw on the street with a relationship.
No, I did not go to them and made some sign in front of them, that would have made me crazy.
I blessed them within: in silence, I would smile, acknowledge their love, and affirm that I was so glad they had each other, that this couple was in love, and I wished their love be strong, long, and enduring. I would then go on with my life, doing the same when meeting other happy couples.
I did it authentically, I was fully present in my heart. I eventually expanded this blessing to everyone who seemed to be cherishing their lives, be it people walking with a friend or on their own.
This way, I started connecting to love, connecting to others and their love, being grateful for the sheer existence of love, and being able to recognize and feel love.
We are all highly loved by creation. There is a great surplus of love in this universe for anyone who is open to it. Yet, it is so easy for us to disconnect from the fabric of life. When we feel lonely and forsaken even, it means we have disconnected. And so we need to take a brave step towards reconnection.
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What Happened to Me
Soon after I started this practice, my heart started opening so much! I started feeling so much love for everything. I no longer felt sad or lonely, I only felt full of love. I could feel my heart bursting, and it was huge.
Did I get a boyfriend? No, I did not. And you know what? I did not even think about it anymore, for I was on the other spectrum, not feeling sad or lonely.
We might think that what we want is a partner, but truly what we want is love. We want a partner because we want love. The partner is a way, a means.
Society is so fixed in marriage and romance that not only we forget love is way beyond specific formats, but also we radically limit how much love we allow ourselves to experience. Love is so multidimensional, life and the whole creation is so incredibly full of love.
Sometimes we need to let go of a specific way to get what we want. It doesn’t mean a partner will never come. It just means we can still have a lot of love — and then, when/if a partner comes, we are in a much better place to create a much better relationship. Because then, we are not needy and overly attached, looking for someone to supply our unmet needs.
The partner is a kickass bonus, a cherry on the cake. Yet, it is good to remember we can always grow our own cake of living a loving and fulfilling life.
Selfishness Brings Suffering
Love, abundance, joy, you name it. All these things open themselves to us when we are not the center of the world. When we are connected to a higher level.
Selfishness is a consequence of fear and disconnection, it comes from a scarcity mindset. You can’t live in true abundance of anything when you are in this state.
Even if you have everything, if you are still full of fear, you won’t feel safe and loved. The good divine stuff is exactly the opposite: they are selfless. To live in true love, abundance, and joy, you have to dare to go beyond yourself, to surrender, to detach, to let go.
Everything becomes finite when it is only you. It is when we are deeply connected that we become infinite.
A Whole Other Level of Gratitude
Everyone can love massively at the same time. Everyone can be healed, abundant, purposeful, divine.
The fact that someone has what you want, such as a kickass relationship, a big house, or the perfect job, should be an inspiration not a source of jealousy. They are living proof that what you want is possible, that others have experienced it and so can you. You can even learn from them to take your next steps.
When we talk about love, connection, and gratitude in this sense, it is about wishing the best for everyone.
A scarcity mindset will never bring higher love and abundance. Therefore, whatever you want for yourself, you may also wish for everyone else.
For instance, I don’t want healing, love, and wealth just for me. I wish these things for everyone, I wish everyone to be well. I wish for all beings to be free from the constraints of their minds, and live their purpose for their highest good.
Yes, everyone includes me, so why would I exclude anyone?
When we recognize all as worthy, as a spiritual family, as one on the same evolutionary path, then the magic of life can take a whole new level, for it is no longer us against the world — it is us with the whole love of the universe.
Hi, I am Aline Ra M, healer, spiritual guide and teacher. Thank you for sharing your time and energy with me today.
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